Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
