I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize