I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
