i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
