Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
