My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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