every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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