last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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