I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize