dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
