We're facebook friends in real life
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
