i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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