But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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