Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
