They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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