So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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