Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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