My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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