So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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