In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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