I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
