Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize