I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
