a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
