So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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