the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize