i need an iv and a liver transplant
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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