I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
