Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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