where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
