Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Small penises have feelings too.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh god it's open bar.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
