Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
