billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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