Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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