After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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