I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
