I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
