she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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