Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
