Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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