my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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