brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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