I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
