Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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