Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Even my vagina gasped.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
