dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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