so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
