And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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