Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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