Do vagina's smell?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
