I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize