Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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