My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He kissed a someone with a penis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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