Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
