i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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