his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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