I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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