You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Small penises have feelings too.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
