i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
