I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
