Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
