shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
