I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
