I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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