it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
