If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
