I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
