i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize