So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
