My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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