i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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