i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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