im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize