There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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