I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
