I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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