you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
