I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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