she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
