Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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