Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well you can't waste a boner
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
