i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
