It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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