woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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