I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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