so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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