dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
