So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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