i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize