shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
