Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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