Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
