New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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