the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
