Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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