drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
