Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
