our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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