btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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