I want you more than these girls want KFC
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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