1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
