just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
