my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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