we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
