on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
