You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
