just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize