I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
