Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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