Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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