Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
