I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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