when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
