Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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