The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
