Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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