I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
