All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
