how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
